Why is Life So Hard In Addiction Recovery?

Life is hard generally speaking. There is no such thing as an “easy” life. There will always be stress. Like the scripture says, “I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” There is a saying that has been tossed around by previous people in addiction recovery that say, “the best thing about recovery is you get your feelings back and the difficult part is you get your feelings back.”

First, it is important to remember that feelings are not good or bad, right or wrong. Feelings just are, and everyone has them. All of them! Second, there is a saying in recovery in regards to feelings. When we use substances (drugs and alcohol) one of the effects of the drugs and alcohol is they allow us to temporarily cover up our uncomfortable feelings. Please note: this can apply to other addictions, as well, not just substances and alcohol. The addiction numbs us from our feelings. The addiction helps us to stay in denial of the stress that is happening to us or around us. We can become unconscious, so to speak, when dealing with everyday life stress. 

Addiction recovery and feelings

How do our feelings make life so hard? To cope with feelings it’s sometimes easier to think of them as comfortable or uncomfortable. We typically consider comfortable feelings to be peaceful, happy, excited, joyful, empowered, etc. Uncomfortable feelings are all of those feelings that we do not enjoy, like sadness, anger, guilt, shame, neglect and embarrassment.

Feelings do not have to be permanent. We are in charge of our own feelings, and we can change how we are feeling by changing our thoughts from positive to negative. Our thoughts create our feelings, which creates our behaviors. If we have a negative thought, then we can expect a negative feeling; the outcome will be a negative/unhealthy behavior (i.e. self harm, sleep too much, sleep too little, addiction, poor eating habits etc).

If we change our thought to a positive we can expect a positive feeling; the outcome is a positive/healthy behavior (i.e. exercising, smiling, spending time with friends/family, volunteering).

Creating healthy, positive feelings

Let’s try this activity: Say out loud, “I am getting healthier everyday.” What is our feeling after saying that statement? Typically it is a comfortable feeling like: peacefulness, happiness, contentment, joy, excitement. In turn, what is your behavior? How do you act after that statement? More than likely the behaviors that follow will be healthy, positive behaviors and continued positive feelings. The best way to cope with our feelings is to recognize which feeling we are having. Sometimes saying the feeling out loud helps, because then we are not denying our emotions. Next, accept the feeling, meaning even though you may not want the feeling,

remember feelings are not good or bad, they just are. Lastly, share the feeling. Talk to a therapist, sponsor, friend or family about what the feeling is and what triggered the feeling.

Also there is something called Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). PAWS is very common throughout the first two years of addiction recovery. It can feel like a roller coaster of symptoms. Symptoms can include mood swings, anxiety and irritability, just to name a few. In early stages of recovery symptoms can change from minute to minute, hour to hour. Later in recovery, the symptoms disappear for weeks, sometimes months, only to return again. As you continue to recover, the good stretches will get longer.

Being patient during your addiction recovery

This is one of the most important things you need to remember. If you’re up for the challenge; you can get through this! But if you think that post-acute withdrawal will only last for a few months, then you’ll get caught off guard, and when you’re disappointed you’re more likely to relapse.

Remember, whatever the reason is for the uncomfortable feeling, be patient with yourself and know that just as quick as the feeling came on, the feeling will leave, and a new feeling will occur.

Positive thoughts create positive feelings

We may not have positive thoughts initially, in fact, like the “recovery comedian,” Mark Lundholm says in one of his acts, “first thought wrong.” This implies that until we have created new pathways in our brain, our first thought is usually from our old pathway and usually will be unhealthy in some way. 

Therefore, it is important to practice challenging your “first thought” and coming up with the opposite of your first thought. This will do two things. 1) Allow you to begin paving new pathways in your brain. 2) It will trigger a comfortable feeling, allowing for the new or healthy behavior to follow. 

For more information on addiction recovery or other mental health information contact Christin Adams, LMSW, CAADC at the link below. Accepting new patients both virtually and in person. Licensed in Michigan. Accepts BCBS, Priority Health.